The honest truth about what’s changed, what hasn’t, and how I go through motherhood while still keeping in touch with my pre-mama self.
If you’re reading this post you probably fall into one of these three categories:
A) You have a baby/toddler and are interested if other new mamas are just as crazy as you. Spoiler alert: Yes we are. At least I am. And it’s OK.
B) You don’t have children, but are thinking about having one or some in the future. You’re interested in how your life changes after having children. I’m so happy you’re here and I hope I can offer up some helpful insight!
C) You’ve had children for awhile now, and you want to read about how this “newbie” has changed. You’ll probably judge everything you read and compare it to your own circumstances. I get it. You’re a veteran. I honor you!
So here goes…
I’m going to break this down into three stagess: newborn, 3-6 months, and the time surrounding his first birthday. That’s when I felt the biggest shifts in motherhood.
NEWBORN STAGE
Internal Monologue: “Oh my little baby! I was put on this Earth to be your mother and everything I did before you means nothing. I’m going to do nothing but feed you and watch you sleep. I’m you’re mother and that’s my only role. ”
Reality: So sweet right? It is. That newborn phase is amazing. I really did love every second of it; the sleepless nights, the nursing, even the poopy diapers. Plus, you get this adrenaline after you give birth so you don’t really need that much sleep. Yahoo! I felt like Superwoman.
How I changed: The second Ollie was born he became the only thing that mattered to me. I swear I changed the most in those first five minutes than I have in my entire life. I went into full blown mama-bear mode and just wanted him to feel comfortable, loved and protected.
I became a less-selfish person and stopped caring about the minor things that didn’t matter in life. I also got annoyed that the nurses kept checking up on my during my stay at the hospital. It was very sweet… but in that moment I couldn’t understand why they were worried about my blood pressure and how I was feeling when this little nugget just went through so much and has no idea where he is or what this world is about!
I think God and Mother Nature do that on purpose. You’re SUPPOSED to feel like nothing else matters because you’re the one keeping that little nugget alive. If mothers didn’t feel this way, let’s face it, we’d all be screwed.
THREE TO SIX MONTHS IN
Internal Monologue: “I love you so much, but my nipples are sore and I’d like to eat soup without having to heat it up three-times over. I have mastitis, and my brain is foggy. You’re a weird sleeper, but that gummy smile you give me after you finally take a nap makes me so happy I think my crusty un-pedicured tootsies could actually float off this breast-milk stained rug.
Reality: By this point I started to realize that I actually WOULD like to go out and see my friends, but felt guilty. Being in the house for three months straight made me a little cuckoo. My brain was oatmeal and I was having a hard time finding words. I needed some adult-human interaction!
How I changed: The “pre-baby Lindsey” and “post-baby Lindsey” personalities were starting to mesh better. I realized that meeting up with friends once in awhile and going out on a date night with my husband once a month actually made me a better mother. It made me a better wife, friend, sister and daughter as well. I want “Category B” ladies to pay special attention this: You can have a baby and still live your life. It may take more planning, but it’s totally possible.
One MAJOR thing I learned was that it’s important for him to be surrounded by strong, kind, smart women. I don’t have to be the only woman in his life, and it’s better if I’m not. I want to raise him to respect women and one day (God help me) when he starts to date, I hope that he will search for the same characteristics in a girl that he finds in the women that surround him.
12 MONTHS IN
Internal Monologue: “Do I have the coolest kid in the world? He’s so smart and easy going. Naps are like clockwork and he sleeps 12 hours a night. Yeah… he’s the best.
*Cut to 12 months old*
OK… he hates when I change his diaper, pitches a fit when I try to wipe the food off his face and I have to hide if I want to eat anything. He’s crying now because I won’t let him eat my spicy tuna sushi. OMG. I have a toddler on my hands.
Reality: Every stage is better than the last, but each with it’s new set of challenges. Thankfully, I’ve had many mothers tell me that everything goes by so fast, so we’ve been trying to live in the moment and not wish for the next stage too quickly.
How I changed: By this point I’ve realized how much patience I’ve gained. Pre-baby I would get stressed about the dumbest things. Post-baby… it takes a lot to get me riled up. I’ll snap back if someone has a rude comment about our parenting style, but other than that I really don’t give a damn.
Mike and I have talked about this a lot before going to bed. If we can lay our heads down on our pillow and know that we’ve been a good parent and good partner… then nothing else matters. If we feel like we weren’t the best that day… then tomorrow we’ll be better.
THE GUTS OF IT
In one year of being a mama I learned what’s most important in life. I also learned that sometimes you slip up, and that’s OK too. I realized that you can’t let your friendships go, and that takes effort too.
I changed in the fact that I cut out the bullshit (sorry for being blunt, just don’t know how else to say it). I learned to tune out people complaining about dumb stuff, and with that, I’ve created stronger bonds with like-minded people who are positive and grateful.
I’ve learned how to organize my days better as well. I work part-time and run my blog during naps and after he goes to bed. Sometimes I’m up well-past midnight, but I don’t ever want to miss a minute of him growing up because I’m answering emails. There are days every once in awhile when my husband will take over if I’m on a deadline and I have to work while Ollie is awake. That’s OK too. It’s what helps pay the bills and what allows me to be at home with him during the day.
Having my son has also made me appreciate the tiniest of things. His face when I turn on the water hose. How he waves “bye-bye” and blows kisses to the airplanes that pass over our house. The sense of pride he gets when he learns something new. It’s all so amazing and I’m so grateful I get to experience it all with him.
Thank you all for reading this post. I love being able to connect with you and I really wouldn’t be able to help support my family through this blog without the support from you. You’re the best.
Love, Lindsey
