A LETTER TO MY SON

I wrote this letter to Ollie a few weeks ago, but have been debating whether or not I should share it. It’s so personal, but I figure you all have been there from the beginning and it seems natural to post it (especially considering today is our due date!)

You watched as I told Mike we were expecting, when we told our family members, and when we found out the gender. You’ve been so supportive and kind throughout this crazy journey, and I want to give you a deeper look inside my life and feelings towards becoming a mother.

A LETTER TO MY SON

My Sweet Little Ollie, 

How can someone so small, someone I haven’t even met yet, fill so much of my heart already? You aren’t even born yet and I can already feel a connection so strong I would do anything for you. It’s the most powerful feeling I’ve ever had, and it only gets stronger as the days go on. 

When I first found out you were in my tummy, I burst into tears of joy. It was both the happiest and scariest day of my life! At that point, my entire world had changed and all I could think about was you. Was I doing enough to keep you healthy and safe? What are you dreaming about? Will you have your dad’s sense of humor? Will you have my eyes? 

When I told your dad about you, he also cried tears of joy. (That’s something you’ll quickly find out about your father and me. We are very emotional people, especially when it comes to you.) Something else I’m sure you’ll figure out once you meet your daddy, is that he has the biggest heart in the world. I know he’s going to be an amazing father, because he’s already an amazing husband. He’s also very funny. I’m already dreaming about what your giggles will sound like, and I’m sure your daddy will be the source of a lot of that laughter. I can’t count how many times he’s fallen asleep with his hand on my tummy because he wants to be as close to you as possible. I can tell you already recognize his voice because you get very still when he’s talking to you. It’s funny, he seems to calm you in the same way he calms me. I can’t wait for you to meet him! He’s my hero, and I’m sure he’ll be yours too. 

In the small amount of time we’ve spent together so far, we’ve already been through a lot. You were there when your dad and I were setting up our new home – the same home you will eventually learn to walk and talk in.  You were also there when your Gran, my mom Angela, passed away. She was so excited to meet you, but God had other plans. I didn’t know why everything was happening the way it was at first, but I now understand that God sent you, my little angel, to give our family a source of light during that dark time. You were with me every step of the way, and when I was sad your little kicks would cheer me up. Your name, Oliver, is actually derived from “the olive branch” – which symbolizes peace. You have undoubtedly been my source of peace through the chaos. God knew exactly what he was doing when he put you in my tummy, and I believe your Gran is going to look after you throughout your life. 

Ollie, you make me want to be the best mother, wife, daughter, sister, friend I can be. I pray that God gives me the strength to be fierce for you, but also gentle when I have to be. As we sit and wait for your arrival, I want to promise you a few things:

I promise to love you unconditionally. I promise to teach you the importance of faith and family and that no matter what, you are never alone. I hope to teach you to respect women and raise you to be “one of the good ones”. I will tell you I love you everyday, and show it as well. I promise to encourage you to take chances and go after your dreams, though it will probably scare me knowing there are times I can’t always protect you. I also promise to listen to you when you’re having a bad day, or to give you your space if that’s what you need. I pray God gives me the skills to help raise you to be a positive, thoughtful, spiritual man of honor.

I love you so much my little baby, and I can’t wait to finally hold you in my arms! You are my gift from God, and I am forever grateful to be your mother. 

Love always and forever,

Your Mommy